Here is one of my favorite talks I have given: How to Strengthen Families. You are welcome to read this talk and get ideas for your own, but I own the copyrights to it, so you may not use it as your own. And don’t forget to read my tips on How to Give a Killer Church Talk.
Today, I am going to speak about strengthening families. This is mostly directed toward Mothers and Fathers, so… Parents! Time to ignore your children, and listen to how you can strengthen your family. 😉
As I was preparing this talk, I was trying to think of a grand and glorious personal experience about how my family has been strengthened. But I couldn’t think of one. As I thought about my family, now, and my family, I grew up with, I realize that it was the simple, every day, habit and traditions that strengthened us – and continues to strengthen us.
In Alma 37, we read: “Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.”
Where is the best place to to strengthen our families? I think we all know the answer to that question is home! How important is home? Elder Hales says, “the home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.”
He further counseled, “to give highest priority to family, prayer, family home evening, gospel, study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However, worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.”
These are the essentials! It’s not even enough that we do them – but we need to be consistent! Strengthening families starts with fathers and mothers. So – I am first going to talk to the fathers and give some tips on how to strengthen families.
Fathers
These tips come from Ezra Taft Benson
- “Give father’s blessings to your children. Baptize and confirm your children. Ordain your sons to the priest. These will become spiritual highlights in the lives of your children!”
- “Personally, direct, family, prayers, daily, scripture, reading, and weekly family home evenings. Your personal involvement will show your children how important these activities really are.” Fathers, you are the head of the household! Being consistent with these activities will keep your family on the straight and narrow path. And mothers – sometimes we need to give our husband a little nudge, or direct these activities ourselves we needed.
- “Be worthy of the priesthood, which you hold and use it! Use it to bless the lives of your family!”
- “Through the power of the Melchizedek priesthood, dedicate your homes.” I remember when we moved here six years ago, one of the first things Josh did was dedicate our home. I feel safety in our home and know we are being watched over. And most importantly, our home is filled with the spirit. I have had a many people tell me they feel the spirit when they enter my home as well, and that always means so much to me.
Mothers
Now, mothers – we are not off the hook! It’s our turn…
Ezra Taft, Benson ask the question, “do you want a principal for successful motherhood?” Um…Yeah! Sounds good to me! He teaches, “make time to teach your children, the gospel and principles of gospel living when they are young. It may be that you too will need to ‘renounce the world,’ and devote above 20 years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of your children.”
So, no pressure.
No accomplishment transcends the building of the character of a son or a daughter of God
Again, President Benson urges us to take time to teach our children. “Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day – at meal time, in casual settings, or at special sit down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher. Don’t shift this precious responsibility to daycare centers or babysitters.”
What should we teach them?
“Teach children gospel principles. Teach them it pays to be good. Teach them there is no safety and sin. Teach them a love for the gospel of Jesus Christ and a testimony of its divinity.
Teach your sons and daughters, modesty, and teach them to respect, manhood, and womanhood. Teach them the importance of accepting and magnifying church callings. Teach them a love for work, and the value of good education.”
An excellent tip from President Benson teaches mothers to be at the crossroads. “Take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going – when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen! In Proverbs, we read, “a child left to himself bring it his mother to shame.” He goes on to say, “among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses, unsupervised by working parents.”
“How vital our mothers influence and teaching in the home – and how apparent when neglected.”
One of my favorite stories in the scriptures is in the Book of Mormon: the amazing Lamanite women who taught their sons the gospel in the home. These 2000 young men were taught faith in God at their mothers knees. Later, they showed great faith and courage when they went to war. Their leader, Helaman, said of those 2000 young men, “Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” There is the key! They had been taught by their mothers!
Another key that I have always thought important in strengthening families is to support each other in church callings. How often I see a spouse complaining that their partner is never home – whether during the week or early or late on Sundays, because they are fulfilling their church calling. We should be teaching our children that their father or mother is serving those in our ward – our friends and neighbors – and ultimately the Lord!
Both
Now, here are some tips that we can do together, as mothers and fathers, to strengthen our families:
The first one I want to mention is family home evening. Now, I could go on and on about family home evening. Let me share the example of my parents: I do not exaggerate when I say that not a Monday night in over 45 years has gone by where my parents did not have family home evening! In fact, they have been empty nesters for over 11 years now, and they still hold it weekly. So, you can be sure that on the first Monday night after Josh and I were married, I was in the living room at 7:00 sharp, notebook in hand, ready to take minutes on our first family home evening together. I got a strange look after that, (and many more since), but family home evening has been consistent in our family ever since.
Many times for us, family home evening, consists of an activity, like going to the park, or seeing who can run around the house the most times. Often our kids will ask us if it was really family home evening without an opening prayer or our signature family council song (which Josh made up – you can ask him to sing it for you later). I believe these types of activities are good, occasionally. But our children need to have us share spiritual feelings with them, and to teach and bear testimony to them. Make family home evening one of your greatest, family traditions! Joseph F. Smith, said, “if the Saints obey this council, we promised that great blessings will result. Love at home, and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which be sent them.”
Next, as couples, we need to pray daily with our children.
Read the scriptures together. I remember hearing someone tell me that they simply didn’t have time to read their scriptures personally, let alone with their family. I am far from perfect in my daily scripture study, but one thing I know: there is always time. When I was young, there were seven children getting ready for school in the morning; seven kids fitting in a half hour of piano practice all before school. And before the morning routine started, we were in the living room, as a family, reading the scriptures. We often had to wake up the person next to us to read their verse, but we were consistent. Again, there is always time.
Elder Hales gives another tip we, as couples, can do to strengthen our families: spend individual time with our children, letting them choose the activity and the subject of conversation. Block out distractions.
Regularly attend the temple as a couple. Your children will then better understand the importance of temple, marriage and temple vows, and the eternal family unit.
Teach our children, the history of our ancestors, and of our own family history. I love this quote by William R. Walker: “The more connected we feel with our righteous forefathers, the more likely we are to make wise and righteous choices.”
Build traditions of family, vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children.
Eat together when possible, and have a meaningful mealtime discussions.
Sister Carol Hillam said, “Meals are magic: love can be spread at dinner. It is a safe and together time. It can be a good moment for scripture reading, family prayers, or a discussion about the day. I hope our homes are not just fast food joints where children reach for the cold cereal and milk, and watch TV while they dining; then the dishes are added to the already big pile left on the floor in the family room.”
I know that when my family goes two or three nights without eating dinner together at the table, I feel disconnected. There seems to be a negative vibe in our home. Sometimes I can’t put my finger on it until we gather together again the next night – and then I feel that unity that was missing.
Sometimes it just can’t work. Josh has class weekly and other things come up. But I always think of the talk “good, better, best by Elder Oaks, “Eating meals at home is the strongest predictor of children’s academic achievement and psychological adjustment.”
It’s good to have a child who is an All-Star athlete or can play the piano like Mozart. But it’s best to develop faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, and strengthen our families.
Elder Hales emphasizes that the key to strengthening our families is having the spirit of the Lord come into our homes. The goal of our families is to be on the street and narrow path.
In section 88 it states, “Establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.”
Elder Hales says, “As parents, let us heed the admonition, even the rebuke, given by the Lord to Joseph Smith and the leaders of the church to set in order our own house.” In section 93 the Lord says, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. Set in order our family, and see that they are more diligent and concerned at home, and pray, always, or they shall be removed out of their place.”
The family is strengthened as we draw near to the Lord, and each member of the family is strengthened as we live, and strengthen and love and care for one another.
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