Look around your local junior high and high school and you will see a smart phone in almost every hand. Slowly but surely parents are giving in to their kid’s “need” to be connected to the world. It’s an epidemic and it’s dangerous. And frankly, if you are not aware of the problem then you need to start paying attention.
If you haven’t seen this story from KSL news, it’s a great place to start. It reveals what teens are not telling their parents about social media. And it’s scary. Sexting, cyber bullying, pornography, stalking, abuse, illegal drug deals, secret accounts – these are just the tip of the iceberg. The fact is that the majority of kids in junior high have social media, and most have their own smart phone.
The truth is that teenagers DO NOT need a smart phone. I know what you’re thinking. Get with the times, Becky! Everybody has one and if you don’t want your child to be a social outcast, you better get them one too. Here’s what I have to say to that: Bull! However, I know that it’s ultimately up to you, the parent, and what you think is best for your family. So whether you join this movement or not, here are some great tips for being smarter with smart phones.
Don’t give in.
Simple as that. Cut out the source. Did you know that they still make flip-phones? And they’re cheaper than smart phones, so win-win. I walked into my son’s junior high school the other day and was surprised to see a pay phone. And it even worked! There are plenty of means for them to communicate with you.
Disable apps, enable parental controls
You may be surprised to learn that my husband and I bought our kids iPhones. Actually, we bought iPhones and we let our kids use them. The phones are not theirs. However, we have disabled the internet, and enabled a plethora of parental controls. They can’t even download an app without our permission. It’s not too late. Maybe you have already given your child their own phone and their own social media accounts. Step it up. You can take away their phone, or at the very least, limit their access to it. You are the parent. Act like one.
Make the bedroom electronics-free
If you’re letting your child take electronic devices into their bedrooms, think again. You cannot control or even view what they are doing. Studies have shown that kids who are allowed to have an electronic device (phone, iPod, video game console, computer, etc.) in their bedroom show symptoms of bipolar disorder and ADHD. These symptoms mask the real problems which include lack of sleep and addiction.
House rules
If you do allow your child to have their own smart phone, that privilege should come with some rules. Put phones away during dinner and after a certain evening hour. As mentioned before, don’t allow them in bedrooms. Disable apps during school hours and while they are working on homework. Discuss what is best for your family and be consistent.
Ditch digital for a day
Have you ever unplugged for a day? Occasionally my family will do an “unplugged week.” It’s exactly like it sounds. No social media, no video games, no TV for an entire week! And you might be surprised to learn that my kids actually love it – even my screen-obsessed son.
Discuss, discuss, discuss
It won’t do any good to ban smart phones or revoke privileges without a good discussion. There is always a way around the rules. If your child wants to rebel, they will find a way. So talk to your children. A lot. Talk to them about the dangers and the consequences. Talk to them about the issues and responsibilities that go along with smart phones and social media. It’s not enough to talk to them once and forget about it. Talk to them monthly or even weekly. Let them know you are a safe place to speak about their concerns and let you know what is going on.
Practice what you preach
I admit I’m addicted to my smart phone. I use it for good, although how “good” is it to watch all the Instagram stories instead of reading your scriptures? But I digress. Lately I have been mindful of my phone use and started putting it away anytime my children are around and not picking it up until my morning scripture and prayer routine are finished. What are your children seeing? What example are you setting for them?
This doesn’t have to be the norm. As parents we have the power to change this road our children are on. Our kids are growing up in a world completely different than what we know. Our culture has changed. It’s a culture of disrespect and entitlement. It’s a culture where children care more about what their peers think than what their own parents think. In my favorite parenting book, The Collapse of Parenting, Dr. Leonard Sax says, “Too often, parents allow their desire to please their child to govern their parenting. If your relationship with your child is governed by your own desire to be loved by him or her, the odds are good that you will not achieve even that objective.”
Join the discussion on my Instagram page or leave your comments below. I would love to hear your thoughts!
Here’s a link to the book I mentioned above.
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