Parenting is vastly different than it was 30 plus years ago. We have come a long way in parenting philosophies, including health and safety. Raising children is a completely different game than it was back then. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take some of our parent’s expertise and put it into practice. Vintage parenting might be just what this generation needs. Here are 10 things our parents did that parents today should bring back.
Put Each Other First
Back when our parents were young, it wasn’t uncommon for marriage to be the most important relationship in the family. But somewhere over the last 30 plus years, parents have started to treat their children as the center of the universe.
Keeping your spouse a priority can be hard, but it’s essential to have a healthy and happy family. When my children interrupt me while I’m talking to my husband, I tell them they will have to wait (unless it’s an emergency). Children need to learn that everything does not revolve around them.
Made Kids Play Outside
Most of my childhood memories are playing outside, using my imagination. My friends and I would be outside as soon as we got home from school. We would come in for dinner and then go back out until dark. I enjoyed watching TV here and there, but we always preferred to be outside.
According to the CDC, kids ages 8-18 spend an average of 7.5 hours every day in front of a screen for entertainment. That does not include homework or educational purposes. On the flip side, children spend a whopping 4-7 minutes a day engaged in unstructured outdoor play on average. Kids don’t need a sports court or a swimming pool to be entertained outside. All they need is their imagination.
Trusted Their Children
I’m sure most of us (especially if you are old like me) can remember spending most of our free time riding bikes with our friends miles away from home, building snow forts for hours, staying out until dark, all without our parents knowing exactly where we were. You may call this “free-range parenting” or even think it’s dangerous. The truth is, children are twice as likely to die in a plane crash than get kidnapped by a stranger.
Didn’t Push Academics
Before 1980, the main focus of the early elementary years was creativity and social skills. Children did not know how to read upon entering kindergarten and many didn’t even know their alphabet. They were taught to be respectful, to share, and to make friends. Culturally, our children are obligated to compete academically at these early ages which magnifies, if not causes, anxiety and stress in our children.
Taught Manners
Speaking of learning social skills, I am always amazed at the lack of manners I see in many children and teens today. My husband and I spent a week cooking for 300 teens a few years ago. We would spend the entire day cooking, doing dishes, and literally serving food onto their empty plates for them. Were were shocked at the amount of “thank-you’s” we received: 2 out of 300. That’s a simple example. I could make lists of others who demand snacks or toys when they play at my house, or that take without asking, etc. It is refreshing when I come across those who have been taught well.
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Ate Dinner As A Family
I could write an entire article about this subject…oh wait, I did. That’s because it is so important and so easily overlooked. Parents today tend to sacrifice family dinners for extra-curricular activities and it is damaging. Children who participate in regular family meals are less likely to have anxiety and depression. They have less delinquency, greater academic achievement, and improved psychological well-being. Don’t schedule meals around your activities, schedule your activities around meal-time.
Made Their Kids Do Chores
When I was growing up, every Saturday was reserved for doing chores. We couldn’t play with friends or any other activities until we had cleaned our bedrooms and done a few other of our assigned chores. I cleaned bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted, mopped, and more. Today children are asked to take on only the most trivial of responsibilities. You might be surprised at how much your kids are capable of.
Disciplined Each Other’s Kids
What would you do if your child’s friend threw a tantrum or even hit your child? Ask them nicely if they would like to stop? Would we even dare bring it up to their parent? With our parents, there was an unspoken rule that if another child acted out, they would discipline them the same way as their own kids.
Held Birthday Parties At Home
The birthday parties our parents would throw included cake, ice cream, and pin the tail on the donkey. They didn’t give every guest a basket filled with personalized party favors. They didn’t rent out the local trampoline park or hire a professional photographer or caterer. Yet we still had fun! It was a guilt-free party zone.
Kept Things Simple
The best part of the “good ol’ days” was how simple it was. As kids we weren’t rushed from soccer to piano to dance. Our parents didn’t take us to Disneyland every summer or buy each child their own tablets. We got bored. We used our imaginations. And we thrived in the simple life.
Our children will end up fine–even better than we did. They don’t need to be handed everything on a silver platter. They don’t need to be the best at everything, or even at one thing. It’s okay if they fall and get hurt or get their heart broken. It’s how they learn and grow. And it will teach them compassion and kindness and love.
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2 Responses
Hello, I must say I loved this article. Every point that was touched on is definitely something that seems to be missing these days. My daughter is now 23 and we unfortunately don’t see one another because she says I raised her too hard. You see, her mother and I split when she was 5 and has always been told I was a bad father, never paid child support, etc..etc. When In fact I had always paid and was always there and proved that to her when she turned 18 and showed her the court papers proving the case had been closed and I owed a zero balance. Well, to this day she has this belief that I should have gave more. Bought her more of the things she wanted like her mother did. Took her on more vacations like her friends got to do and so on. I tried raising her the best way I could and gave her things I could afford. The same as my mother did raising myself and older siblings. But, she still believes her mother in the fact that I should have done more. Do I think that my mother could have done more ? No I don’t ! I think that many moms, dads, parents in general, think it’s ok to give their kids everything because they didn’t get such things. So they think they are doing right by them but don’t see how wrong it is. Kids today have grown up thinking/believing that they are owed everything and “deserve” it, when in fact they don’t !
Kids these days have no respect for others, Little for themselves and rarely any for their parents.
Anyway, I loved this article and honestly wish parents would go back to this (my wife included) . But like most things these days… everything changes. Unfortunately some things change for the worse.
This is a meaningful and IMPORTANT post!! My husband and I have 3 children and our conversations about raising kids today have included most, if not ALL of these points!! You are wonderful for shedding light on these important reminders…. our children will grow up to be fine adults, even without being the center of the universe!! Good job!!