This year my parents will celebrate 50 years of marriage together, and I can’t think of a better example of a happy marriage than theirs. Each time I come to even the smallest bump in my marriage, I think of them and how they would have handled it. They have loved and respected each other every single day. I don’t ever remember either of them raising their voices at each other. And not only did they have a great relationship with one another, but they included God in their marriage every day.
It is possible to have a marriage like this. It won’t be perfect, but it will be happy. And it starts by building a strong foundation with these four tips.
Mutual respect and loyalty to one another.
Many couples enter marriage expecting to change their spouse. Some wives try to change their husband’s behavior after their own wants. Some husband’s think it’s their duty to compel or even bully their wives. And vice versa. Each of us is an individual, even in marriage.
Love is based on serving each other, working together, facing difficulties as partners, and walking hand in hand through the ups and downs of daily life. Marriage is beautiful when beauty is looked for and cultivated. Rabbi Julius Gordon said, “Love is not blind – it sees more, not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less.”
The soft answer.
One of the biggest challenges in marriage is communication. Why is it so hard to communicate with our spouse? I wish I had the answer to that. However, I know that as emotions start to escalate it can become even harder to communicate. This is why it’s so important to let our talk be quiet. This is the language of love and peace. This is the language of God.
If you speak out of anger, are constantly complaining, or have offended your spouse, it is time to ask for forgiveness. When you practice giving the soft answer, it will bless your home, your family, and your marriage.
Financial honesty.
Gordon B. Hinckley said, “money is the root of more trouble in marriage than all other causes combined.” Even small lies about finances can lead to even more damaging behaviors in your marriage. Tell your spouse about any feelings you have about lying or being lied to about your finances; your concerns, guilt, anger, panic, betrayal, embarrassment, helplessness, etc. You need to be heard by your spouse.
Have a regular discussion about the state of your finances. It doesn’t have to be long, but make time to check on your accounts together and talk about upcoming bills, issues, goals, hopes, etc. If you or your spouse has a problem in regards to this, it’s time to fix it with respect and integrity.
Prayer.
Prayer invites God into your relationship. Just as physical intimacy reaffirms your oneness, so does praying together. When you pray as a couple, you are not only communicating with God, but also with each other. You can learn so much about each another by sharing and listening to each other pray.
The storms that seem to afflict every marriage become smaller when we are kneeling in prayer. Companionship will sweeten through the years as love strengthens. Appreciation will increase. Our family will be blessed in a home where the spirit of God can dwell. When you pray with your spouse, you are drawn into unity with God and, as a result, with one another.
This article is based on principles taught by Gordon B. Hinckley in his book, Standing For Something.
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2 Responses
Another great article! I’m grateful Brad and I have a marriage that really is strong, but I have to say the odd times we do argue that communication sure he’s in the way! Actually it gets in my way 🙈 love this, and I especially love God in our marriage. I think that is the only way to get through some things and some truly hard things that are not marriage related. Thank you for this!