The Spouse Assessment

Whether you have been married for 60 years or you and your partner are just starting to get serious, all relationships can benefit from regular assessments. People are ever-changing and it is so important to make sure you are on the same page as your spouse. You don’t need to agree on every little thing, but each of you should know where you stand on important issues.

The following questions are a great place to start a discussion with your spouse. First, read them to yourself and write down your level of satisfaction for each one. You can also circle the issues that are most important to you. Then, share it with your spouse to find the areas you can work on individually and together.

And don’t miss the printable version at the end of this post!

Communication

• Do I communicate effectively?
• Do I regularly evaluate my relationship?
• Do I discuss small frustrations before they get bigger?

Conflict Resolution

• Am I able to manage differences without conflict?
• Am I honest in this relationship?
• Do I handle stress well?
• Do I respect my spouse’s feelings during conflict?
• Do I forgive my spouse without resent?

Finances

• Am I in alignment with my spouse about money?
• Do I trust my spouse with money?

Family and friends

• Do I support our extended family?
• Am I satisfied with my spouse’s time spent with his/her friends?
• Am I satisfied with my time spent with my friends?
• Do I feel loved in this relationship?
• Does this relationship bring out the best in me?

Hobbies

• Am I satisfied with the level of desire for travel and adventure?
• Do we travel well together?
• Am I satisfied with time spent on individual hobbies?
• Do I feel supported in my own interests/activities?
• Am I satisfied with my spouse’s preferences to stay home?

Sex and Intimacy

• Am I satisfied with the frequency of sex?
• Do I trust that my partner is faithful?
• Do I experience passion?
• Do I know what turns on my spouse?
• Do I find my partner attractive?
• Am I sexually fulfilled in this relationship?
• Do we regularly talk about our sexual needs?

Spiritual beliefs

• Are we in alignment with our spiritual beliefs?
• Do I have respect for my spouse’s beliefs?
• Are we in alignment in our values?
• Do I support my spouse’s hopes and dreams?
• Do I feel supported in my hopes and dreams?

Life goals

• Do I feel supported in my goals?
• Do I feel supported in my vision?
• Am I settling for less that my expectations?
• Are we in alignment with our future plans?

Roles and responsibilities

• Do I agree with my spouse on our household responsibilities?
• Do I agree with my spouse on the level of home cleanliness and organization?
• Am I happy with my role as bread-winner/homemaker/etc?
• Do I feel respected in how I contribute to our family?
• Do I respect my spouse in their contribution to our family?

Children & Parenting

• Are we in alignment in how we discipline?
• Do we agree on and enforce rules?
• Do I respect my spouse in front of our children?

Ask yourself these questions regularly throughout your marriage. Use this printable version and share with your spouse!