50 Tips My Parents Learned in 50 Years of Marriage

This Sunday my parents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Although no marriage is “perfect,” theirs is about as close as I’ve ever seen. They have continuously taught me what a good marriage is like through their quiet, yet powerful example. So, I decided to have them “write” an article for me. What better experts could we learn from than this powerhouse couple?

If you have read my articles, many of these tips will sound familiar. This is evident that the principles I write about and have learned throughout my life (mostly from my parents), work! Thank you Mama and Papa Hart for these 50 golden tips (plus a few bonus ones) in celebration of your golden anniversary!

1. In those things which are essential, there must be unity; in those things
   which are not essential, there must be liberty; but in all things, there must
   be charity.
2. Lighten up – don’t take yourselves too serious or be too strict.
3. Selfishness is the main cause of marital problems.
4. Your spouse may actually be right! (Sometimes).
5. It is more important to plan your marriage than your wedding. (For
   engaged couples).
6. Be willing to try new things – food, activities, styles, travel, etc.
7. Never raise your voice unless the house is on fire (David O’ McKay). The
   soft answer turneth away wrath (Proverbs).
8. Reflect often on memories of why you fell in love.
9. Give your spouse a genuine compliment – frequently.
10. Don’t embarrass your spouse in front of others.
11. Don’t speak negatively about your spouse when he/she is not present.
12. Beware of pride.
13. Use your similarities to understand each other. Use your differences to
    complement each other.
14. Do not betray each other’s trust. To be trusted is greater than to be loved.
15. Be totally honest and open with your finances.
16. Each partner should have some discretionary and limited monies to spend
    as they wish.
17. Spend less than you earn and put something away for a rainy day.
18. Pay the Lord first (tithing) and then pay your other obligations.
19. Have a weekly date but don’t discuss children or finances.
20. A couple who prays together, stays together.
21. Learn to distinguish between needs and wants.
22. Fathers, mothers, husbands and wives should be willing to help each other
    as equal partners.
23. Forgive and forget and don’t keep score.
24. Say “I’m sorry” and really mean it.
25. Accept your spouse’s apology and then move on – don’t hold
    a grudge.
26. Don’t speak of faults, don’t magnify weaknesses; instead, show love,
    charity, forgiveness and compassion.
27. Respect, love and compassion are vital building blocks of a successful
    marriage.
28. There must be continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness
    and consideration.
29. The good of the family must always be superior to the good of either
    spouse.
30. All intimacies should be kept in great privacy from others.
31. Establish your own traditions independent of either his or her family’s.
32. Avoid anger which is a yielding to Satan’s influence by surrendering our
    self-control.
33. Don’t pray to marry the one you love; instead, pray to love the one you
    marry.
34. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
35. Develop empathetic listening. Be an empathetic listener.
36. Avoid ceaseless pin-pricking. Don’t be critical of each other’s faults. Don’t
    nag.
37. Take a short vacation (a few days) without children occasionally.
38. Learn to listen and listen to learn.
39. Don’t marry for love or money but for eternity.
40. Problems are our problems, not his or her problems. “We left our purse at
    the restaurant.” “We left the gas cap at the Flying J 50 miles down the
    road.”
41. Love the Lord first and your capacity to love each other will increase.
42. Make time to be together at mealtimes (without electronic devices) for
    happy conversation and sharing of the day’s plans and activities.
43. The secret to a happy marriage: live the gospel, keep your covenants.
44. Neither of us is perfect but we are perfect for each other.
    
    

    Principles for Teaching and Raising Children

     

45. Prepare rather than punish.
46. Communicate rather than control.
47. Encourage rather than criticize.
48. Love more than isolate. Christ taught “Come unto me”.
49. Love enough to set and maintain limits.
50. Involve and individualize.
51. Take time to read to your children. Tell them stories.
52. Be at the crossroads as your children come and go.
53. Encourage good music and art and literature in your home.
54. Teach your children to work and show them the value of working toward a
    worthy goal.
55. Try to see your children as God sees them.