I have written a lot about making your partner happy, serving your spouse, and meeting their needs. One of the husband’s most basic needs is an attractive spouse. For some reason, the simple idea of how you dress offends a lot of people (most of whom are single). But those of us who do it know that it not only improves our relationships, but our ourselves as well.
Many years ago my husband and I became friends with a certain couple. We both just had our our first child and were adjusting to motherhood. I quickly noticed that the wife never changed out of her pajamas and rarely showered. “What’s the point?” she would ask me.
What’s the point? Well my friend, let me tell you.
The role of a wife
What is your role as a wife? This question makes me think of a big to-do list. Laundry, making dinner, cleaning the house, wearing an apron, lipstick and heels. It sounds so 1950’s! So let’s change the question.
What is your relationship as a wife? This question makes me think of how my husband and I are growing together in our marriage. Patience, charity, service, kindness, love. It sounds so eternal.
Being a wife is not a role. It’s a relationship.
Feminism
If you think this is misogyny (the opposite of feminism), I encourage you to reevaluate where your beliefs about beauty and how you dress come from. In fact, I would say that the idea of dressing up for your husband is feminism in the true sense of the word.
Did your man like it when you put effort into your appearance when you were dating? Then what makes you think he wouldn’t enjoy it now? Comfort and familiarity can be a blessing in marriage, but they can also create a wedge in the relationship.
If something is important to your husband, then it should be important to you.
Romance vs. Love
The truth is, a good husband is not going to stop loving you if you don’t put effort into your appearance. Maybe that’s one of the reasons so many women could care less, because they think they have a safety net. But here’s another truth: Dressing for your spouse has less to do with love and more to do with romance. And romance is essential to a thriving marriage.
It’s about the fact that you go out of your way and do something that warms his heart. It’s celebrating a moment where he is the only man in the whole world who gets to enjoy this version of you. So let him enjoy it.
The hard truth
Think of the pioneers and natives crossing continents on foot through droughts and blizzards, through famine and floods. They gave birth in caves, covered wagons, barns and even open fields. Yet they all managed to get up every day, wear real cloths and comb their hair while raising lots of children.
Stop blaming your children for letting yourself go. If mothering was that bad the human race would have gone extinct long ago. So pull yourself together because there’s no room for wimps or weak excuses. Now with that in mind, give yourself some grace.
The fact is, a little effort goes a long way. Start by taking baby steps. It takes five minutes to change out of pajamas and dress yourself in some real clothes, so start there. Add another step every day and soon you will feel empowered in your own life and in your marriage.
Follow Becky on Instagram and Facebook!
2 Responses
I don’t see the point. In 11 years I’ve gone from a size 18 to 22 due to health issues. My husband I don’t think has ever told my I’m pretty, look nice today, etc. He says I’ll look much better when I lose 60 lbs and he won’t use any positive remarks on my looks until then because he doesn’t want to condone my heavier weight.
Is there really a point when he holds this view?
Even though we have been married for over 44 years, I still do not like my husband seeing me looking like the frump I sometimes feel like. I think it is important to look at least fairly amazing, (chuckle) since how I look affects how I feel. I can’t feel like my husband should take me seriously if I look like I just spend the day dumpster diving. I actually owe it as much to myself as to him to look the best I can (depending on what is happening that day). Maybe its because this gray haired old man always looks so put together no matter what time of day it is, and I appreciate that he cares how he looks.. It doesn’t help that he only has to comb his hair and shave and he is “ready to rumble”. I have never regretted the time it takes to make myself presentable, For Both of Us.