When my husband was called as bishop, I cried. Not because I was sad or even surprised (God tends to prepare you for these things) but because I knew what it meant. This calling wasn’t just his. It would impact our entire family. Long nights, early mornings, heavy emotional burdens, and weekends that no longer felt like weekends. In many ways, it felt like we were both being set apart.
Supporting a spouse in a time-consuming leadership role, whether it’s bishop, Relief Society president, stake presidency, or something else, requires sacrifice. But God doesn’t ask us to disappear in the process of supporting others. We are invited to consecrate our lives, not to lose ourselves. Supporting my husband as bishop has deepened my own discipleship. But it’s also required intention, faith, and boundaries.
Here’s what I’ve learned about supporting him in this sacred role, without losing the divine identity God gave me.
1. Let Christ, Not the Calling, Be at the Center
It’s easy to let a demanding calling become the center of your family’s life. But Jesus Christ, not Church responsibilities, is who we worship. We’ve learned to talk about the Savior more than the schedule. We pray for guidance. We invite the Spirit into our home not just to help him fulfill his calling, but to help us become a stronger, more unified family.
Ministry starts at home, and the Savior always honors that.
2. I Don’t Compete with the Ward
It’s easy to feel jealous of the time and attention your spouse gives to others. Date nights get interrupted. Sundays feel like a solo-parent marathon. And the emotional energy they give to struggling ward members can sometimes leave you feeling like you’re getting leftovers.
But instead of seeing the ward as competition, I try to see it as a shared stewardship. I often pray for the people he serves. I cheer him on. And I make sure we schedule time to reconnect, even if it’s simple, like folding laundry together after the kids go to bed.
3. Set Sacred Boundaries
Boundaries don’t block the Spirit, they make space for him. We’ve established some simple boundaries that help protect our marriage and family time:
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Phone away during dinner. This is family time, and it doesn’t happen that often. So, distractions are a no-no!
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No need to answer every text immediately. We remind ourselves that the Lord is in charge of His work. People can wait a few hours.
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Date nights. We guard this time like it’s sacred, because it is. Our relationship needs regular renewal to stay strong and Christ-centered.
Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re stewardship. And we’ve felt the Lord bless us for protecting what matters most.
4. I Speak Up When I Need Help
There was a time I stayed quiet, thinking, He has so much on his plate, I can’t add more. But that’s a fast road to resentment and burnout. I’ve learned that honoring my needs doesn’t mean I’m weak or unsupportive. It means I’m human. I ask for help. I share when I feel stretched. And because our marriage is a partnership, we adjust as needed.
5. I Protect My Purpose
When your spouse’s life becomes more visible, it’s tempting to shrink back; to stop pursuing your dreams so they can pursue theirs. But the Lord didn’t ask me to disappear. In fact, I’ve felt Him encourage me to shine even brighter. I still work. I still create. I still minister and parent and build my own testimony. Because supporting someone else’s purpose should never come at the cost of your own.
6. Enjoy the Journey
The Holy Ghost is my constant companion in this journey. He helps me discern when to say yes, when to say no, when to be patient, and when to speak up. He reminds me that my sacrifices are seen, my efforts are consecrated, and my growth is just as important as anyone else’s.
Joy in Christ is possible, even in busy seasons. And often, it’s found in the small and simple things: a quiet prayer, a quick text of encouragement, a smile across the chapel.
Of course, supporting a bishop (or anyone in a demanding leadership role) comes with its own learning curve. One that no handbook quite prepares you for. There are the sacred, soul-stretching moments… and then there are the quirky, unspoken realities you only discover once you’re in the thick of it. So just for fun, and a little honesty, here’s a peek into what no one really tells you about being the bishop’s wife.
What No One Tells You About Being the Bishop’s Wife:
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You’ll have a front-row seat to both miracles and messes, and Jesus is in both.
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People assume you know everything. You don’t. And it’s a blessing.
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Sundays are not restful. But grace shows up anyway.
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Some will put you on a pedestal. Others will avoid you. Smile and let them.
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You might feel invisible, or overly visible. Sometimes both at once.
- You’ll learn to serve in the shadows. And you’ll discover that’s where the Savior often is.
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The Spirit will be your lifeline. And chocolate. But mostly the Spirit.
If you’re also supporting someone in a heavy leadership role, I want you to know this: God sees you. Christ is with you. You can support, uplift, and encourage, without disappearing. You were never meant to be a background character in someone else’s calling. You are a vital part of the Lord’s work, too.
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4 Responses
My husband got called as the branch president when I was pregnant with my second child. He is still the branch president it’s been 6years and I don’t see him being released anytime soon due to who else can they call. I have 2 very active boys so Sunday is the hardest day but what makes it hard is I’m the YWs president so branch council is hard because there is no family to help look after our boys because my mother in law is also the RS president so we have tried bringing the boys but they hate meetings but more so they hate going to church because they get bored every time they go to the chapel so that’s our struggle is our 7 year old fight me every Sunday morning saying he doesn’t want to go to church because church is boring and primary is boring (I use to be in primary with them since they started primary but now I’m not and they are finding it hard).
I’m struggling with I know my husband should be doing more but he doesn’t want to. He puts playing on his computer before to decompress over doing his church duties like ministering/scripture study (he relies on his prior knowledge) and prayer. But people say he is so spiritual but I know he should/could be doing more.
I feel like I’m his secretary and remind him of meetings/interviews and other things he needs to do but he just doesn’t do it or he says yes he will do it but he forgets all the time and then when he remembers he does it during the time we are having family time or when we are getting the kids ready of bed or when dinner is ready.
Sorry for the long post. I need help. I feel like almost every day I am a solo parent and not just that I homeschool my kids so feel overwhelmed sometimes on hard days.
Perfect timing for me to read this. I was recently released from being Stake RS president because my husband was made Bishop. So many feelings. Still adjusting but you are right – I do not need to disappear. I am learning that my Savior still sees me and needs my work in a different way.
Thank you so much for this. My husband served in the Bishopric for 5 years & then was called as Bishop. He’s been in 3 years now. I needed this more than I knew.
Wow! Me too! Though only a year into the bishop part.