The key to a successful marriage is unselfishness. If you can put your spouse’s needs above your own, you are on the right track. Having the desire to fulfill your husband’s needs is in no way submitting yourself to an inferior role as a wife. If you truly love your spouse, then you want to make him happy, and these five things generally make men happy – simple as that.
Read: Your Wife has 5 Basic Needs: Are You Meeting Them?
Every man’s needs are different; however, according to Willard F. Harley Jr., most men have the same basic needs. While each person is unique, these needs are what most men pick on average.
Recreational Companionship
My husband and I are a classic example of a couple with hardly anything in common, especially when it comes to hobbies. We enjoy doing our own things – which can be good in a marriage. But when we spend time together doing what he likes, it’s often a win-win. Spending the evening golfing with my husband was never something I would have chosen, but I ended up having a great time. In fact, it was one of the best dates I have ever been on. Show your husband you care about him by showing some interest in his hobbies. He may even return the favor and spend the day doing what you want to do!
Sexual Fulfillment
This can be a touchy subject, but it’s an important one. One thing my husband and I have learned is to never treat intimacy like a game – to never withhold it as punishment. Doing so only intensifies feelings of negativity and resentment. Intimacy brings couples together better than anything, and if it’s important to your husband, it needs to be important to you. Whether or not marital intimacy is special depends on the attitude and effort of those involved.
Admiration
In a healthy relationship, your husband is doing his part – whether that’s having a career, going to school, staying home with children, etc. Most of his actions may go unnoticed. For example, my husband works 8-10 hours a day, then spends his evenings going to school or doing homework. You may not physically see how much your husband does for your family every day, which can make his efforts easier to forget – out of sight, out of mind. Remember, as often as possible, show and tell your husband how much you love and appreciate all he does for you.
Domestic Support
Domestic support involves the creation of a peaceful and well-managed home environment. You and your husband may share household chores and other home responsibilities equally, or your husband may need you to handle these responsibilities more often if he is busy handling others. Again, in a healthy relationship, your husband should be doing his part. If this is the case, fulfill hubby’s needs by cooking meals, washing dishes, keeping your home clean, etc.
An Attractive Spouse
As a wife of over 15 years, I know how familiar and comfortable wives can get with their husbands – which is great. As a mother of four, I know how easy it is to stay in my pajamas all day, how luxurious it is to wait and shower when I actually have five minutes of privacy. Some days are like that, and that’s OK, but don’t let this type of thing become a habit. Put effort into making yourself attractive to your spouse. If you don’t see your husband until he walks in the door 30 seconds before dinnertime, schedule a few minutes beforehand to freshen yourself up. I started doing this a couple years ago and noticed a positive difference in my husband’s mood when he came home. Bonus: it makes me feel great, too.
Examining these five needs is a great way to look deeper into your marriage to determine your husband’s individual needs. Whether a marriage is in trouble or not, when spouses fulfill each other’s needs, the marriage becomes stronger.
Read my favorite marriage book that this blog post is based on: His Needs Her Needs
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9 Responses
This is a wonderful piece and I thank you for sharing with us. But, to couples who are married and struggling financially to the extent of not having something good to put on, no money for good cream, soup and perfumes talk less of nice clothing. What advice will u give to the wife in other to queue into this.
Thanks.
You don’t have to have money to put effort into being an attractive spouse. Take care of yourself and do the best you can.
These are great points, but I have watched many men let themselves go but still want us to be as attractive as we were in our 20’s. I am all for not living in sweat pants all day, every day, but the pendulum swings both ways.
If you do not make yourself attractive to your husband, another woman will. I offer this with the hope I can help you save your marriage from the devastation ours suffered as I stepped outside our marriage when my wife thought making herself attractive to me was no longer important and, another woman made herself very attractive to me. To protect and keep your marriage, your children, and your family, please make yourself attractive to you husband, and do it every day. If you don’t, another lady will.
As long as people remember that this goes both ways, that’s fine. But to say that you cheated on your wife because she decided to let herself go is disgusting. You cheated because you allowed yourself to look at another woman. That is your sin, not your wife’s. When Jesus was asked to tell a woman fo cover herself up, Jesus told the men to pluck thier eyes out. YOU chose to look at another woman instead of working on your marraige. And if a woman knowingly pursues a man that is married then she is not a woman of God who respects marraige. When you make vows, you promise to love and respect your partner through the rough times as well as the good. It is very possible that your wife can be suffering from depression or a lack of self confidence. I can not imagine that having an unfaithful spouse will help in any way with your situation. But if a woman should fear that her husband will cheat on her, she is better without him. I pray that you seek guidance from a non biased person who will give you honest spiritual advice and that you be patient with your wife. Remember it isnt just about how you feel about the situation, she may feel as though you have been neglectful of certain aspects of your life as well.
The last point is very important even if u hv been married for 20-30yrs. Looking good infront of your spouse will make him/her fall in love endless time. That will make your marriage stronger.
Why is this not explained to young ladies before they got married.
Love this list! I think you covered it all perfectly. Sex is a touchy subject, but it shouldn’t be “secret”, and the attractive spouse (insert monkey covering eyes emoji here) some days I am in the same clothes as when he left for work (meaning the sweatpants I slept in!) and honestly when we look a little nicer, we feel better too. I think I would add another basic need is respect. Never ever say anything negative about him to a girlfriend or family member. No matter his faults, I’m pretty sure through all my hormone treatments through infertility, and all my monthly hormones, I am no picnic to be around all the time either. Thanks for sharing. I love you are doing a men and women list before your summit!
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