19 thoughts every mom has but would never admit

1. How long has he been playing in his room…and how long have I been watching Wild Kratts by myself?

2. I wonder how long I can hide in the bathroom without anyone bothering me. (My record is a whopping 7 minutes.)

3. Wait a second…my parents really did have a favorite child!

4. No doubt it was me, obviously.

5. Maybe if I have her take a picture of her room, I don’t have to get up to check if it’s clean.

6. Did I brush my hair today?

7. Hey! My hair is actually still pretty clean.

8. Wait…is that peanut butter? I spoke too soon.

9. Tupperware is occasionally disposable, right?

10. He wet the bed again? I’m just going to throw this towel on top and call it a night.

11. If my child comes home with another gumdrop-glittery-glue craft, I think I might scream.

12. Maybe if I hide it under three layers of garbage, she won’t notice I threw it away.

13. My kids probably won’t benefit that much from hearing the middle-ten pages of this book.

14. How many baths in one week does a small child really need?

15. How did a Lego get in my bra?

16. I wonder how long I can make them believe that Diet Dr. Pepper is really called “Mommy’s medicine”?

17. Is that chocolate…or something else?

18. Speaking of chocolate, cupcakes are really not that different from muffins. Breakfast win!

19.My hubby just texted me that he’s really looking forward to a home-cooked meal tonight. I wonder where he’s going and if he’ll bring me home a plate.