Self-care is not a new concept. People have been consciously tending to their own well-being for centuries. But as the focus on mental health has rapidly evolved recently, the term “self-care” has officially crossed over into mainstream vernacular. It’s today’s Chicken Soup for the Soul.
You can find thousands of articles with tips on how to practice self-care. I have an entire section dedicated to it right here on this ol’ blog! I think the reason why self-care has become more of a necessity lately is because our culture is slowly shifting from a society of community to a society of independence. Without adequate support from each other, we face pressures unlike other generations. Self-care has become the first-line of defense to this type of burnout. But maybe it’s time for a different play.
When we think of self-care we tend to think of activities like taking a long, hot bath, getting some exercise, or unplugging from social media. All of those things are good. But we need something better, something more powerful. We need more kindness, sympathy, nurturing, and love. What we need to practice is self-compassion.
Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness and support that you would show a dear friend. It’s easy for us to love and support others, but harder for us to turn it inward. Why is that? We need to start accepting kindness not only from others, but also from ourselves. Stop letting pride, stubbornness, or guilt stop you from practicing self-compassion. In reality, it’s selfishness in the name of being selfless.
Practice self-compassion by talking to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend. With my best friends, I am able to be direct and even blunt, but kind and loving at the same time. You deserve that same support from yourself. Psychology Today suggests talking to yourself the way you might talk to a child. That child could be your own, or you could imagine yourself as a child. “Although many adults do not have compassion for themselves, they are often able to recognize that a child with a bee sting or hurt knee wants/needs to be hugged or held. Much progress can be made by giving the self the very compassion that one might give to a child.”
Another way to practice self-compassion is to realize that we are not alone in our suffering. Self-compassion is about realizing that the human condition is imperfect and that our flaws and setbacks should connect us and not divide us. We are actually a lot more similar than we are different. We just don’t talk about it.
Practice self-compassion by practicing community. Surround yourself with people who you think are compassionate. And then be that person for them. When we seek independence, we are left alone with our inner-critic, and we all know that never ends well.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool every one of us needs. It may not be as easy or as fun to practice as self-care, but the benefits will outlast the effects of any long hike or warm bath (although I do recommend both of those – in that order). Start being more kind, loving, and supportive as you practice self-compassion.
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One Response
Oooh, self-compassion – I like that! I think integrating a compassionate community with compassionate self-talk will definitely have lasting influence. Thanks for giving me something to think about, Becky.