For the past several years, I have been a bishop’s wife. And while I’m certainly not an expert, years of watching my husband give so much of his time, energy, and heart to his calling have taught me a few things about supporting a spouse in a high-demand calling.
And this advice isn’t just for bishops’ wives. Maybe your spouse is in a stake presidency, Relief Society presidency, Elders Quorum or Young Women presidency, serving as a mission leader, or has another calling that requires a significant amount of time and energy. Whatever the calling, having a spouse who is frequently serving others can be both incredibly rewarding and, sometimes, really hard.
Here are a few things that have helped me.
1. Remember that you are on the same team.
It can be easy to feel like the calling is competing with your family. Instead, I’ve tried to remind myself that my husband isn’t choosing his calling over our family. He is trying to serve the Lord while also loving and caring for our family.
That doesn’t mean every week is perfectly balanced. It just means remembering the bigger picture when things feel frustrating.
2. Talk openly about what your family needs.
Supporting your spouse doesn’t mean silently accepting everything. Your family still needs time together, your kids still need their parent, and you still need your spouse.
Have honest conversations about the calendar, family priorities, and what seasons might require more or less from the calling. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is say, “We really need you home tonight.”
3. Let people help you.
Ward members offer to help the bishop constantly. Let them help you too. Say yes to the meal train. Say yes when someone offers to grab your kids for an hour. You’re serving in this calling as much as they are, even if nobody released you into it.
4. Protect your family’s normal life.
Church callings can become all-consuming if you let them. So make space for the things that have nothing to do with church.
Eat dinner together. Watch a movie. Go on a date. Laugh with your kids. Take a Saturday morning off. Let your spouse be a spouse and a parent- not just a bishop, president, leader, or counselor.
5. Pray for your spouse—and for yourself.
There have been plenty of times when I’ve prayed for my husband to know what to do. But I’ve also learned to pray for me: for patience, perspective, and the ability to recognize when I need support, too.
And perhaps most importantly, remember that you don’t have to be perfect at supporting your spouse.
There will be weeks when you handle it beautifully and weeks when you’re frustrated that the phone is buzzing again. There will be sacrifices, missed plans, and moments when you wonder how you’re going to make it through another Sunday.
That’s okay.
Supporting someone in a high-demand calling isn’t about never struggling with the demands. It’s about choosing, again and again, to love each other through them.
And years into being a bishop’s wife, that’s something I’m still learning.
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